You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
