he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
