the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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