ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
