I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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