i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
