and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
