we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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