I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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