is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
