Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
