Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
