I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
