bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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