apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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