I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
