I'm jealous of your bromance
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
