Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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