did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
