I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
