You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
