If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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