There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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