i just wanna soil my oats bro
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize