Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize