3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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