So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
