what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
