I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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