I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
