I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
