next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
