walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
