There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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