He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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