You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
