he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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