Michael Bay diarrhea
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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