...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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