If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
