just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
