Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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