Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
