You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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