I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
