I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
