Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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