He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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