Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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