Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
