Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
