I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
this beer tastes like vomit already
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
