cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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