I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
