sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
