I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
