The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
