Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
