How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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