my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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