I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
