I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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