he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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