his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I smell like Dick and happiness
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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