Midget sex pt 2 tonight
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
