she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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