in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize