I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
