I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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