I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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