Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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