That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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